i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
