if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
