K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
