feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
