eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
