Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
