I showed him my bush... on skype.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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