If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
