Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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