Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
