he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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