Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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