o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
