I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
