"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
