If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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