guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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