I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Enjoy the penises
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
