this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
