dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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