Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
