"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
