So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
