Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
When are your genitals available?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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