We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
