I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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