I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
