Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
