is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
