White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
