I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
