no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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