I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just high enough for therapy.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
