i don't plan on having that self control this summer
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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