Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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