You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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