I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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