Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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