I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
