I met the friendliest cop last night
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
