I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
