They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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