they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
