I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
