so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
