Will you blow on my dice?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
