yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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