in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
