And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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