They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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