Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
